So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
