I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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