on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
