Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
