Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
