can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
someone owes me an orgasm
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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