Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
