He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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