So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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