I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
