You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
