Can i not drive my cunt home
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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