Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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