dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
