I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
