Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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