she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize