You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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