when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
