I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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