We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
