I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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