he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
