So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
its not stalking. its research.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
