Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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