thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize