yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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