like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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