Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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