i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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