I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize