# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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