Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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