I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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