i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
