now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
