Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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