Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
