how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
