hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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