I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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