I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
