this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
