Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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