I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
