I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
NoShamevember. You game?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize