My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
