If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
