is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
someone owes me an orgasm
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
