Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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