I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
