And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
