sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize