Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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