He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
50% drunk capacity currently
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
