this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
