found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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