I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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