I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
