i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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