I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
